dar pena

The grammar is a bit unique. In English, you say "I feel sorry." In Portuguese, the situation or person "gives" you the pity. You say isso me dá pena (this gives me pity). You can also use it with the preposition de. For example: tenho pena dele (I have pity of him). It is incredibly versatile. You will hear it in almost every conversation involving empathy.

Use it when you see something genuinely sad. It works perfectly for small daily bummers. Imagine your friend's ice cream falls on the floor. You can sigh and say, Que pena! It also works for bigger life events. If someone loses their job, dar pena expresses your sincere concern. It is great for reacting to news or stories friends tell you over coffee.

Be careful not to sound condescending. If you say você me dá pena directly to someone's face, it can be an insult. It implies they are pathetic or beneath you. Avoid using it in high-stakes professional negotiations. It might make you look too emotional or soft. Also, do not confuse it with desculpe. Use desculpe to apologize for your own mistake, not to feel sorry for others.

In Brazil and Portugal, people are generally very expressive with their emotions. Pena is a word with a double meaning. It means both "pity" and "feather." Some say the connection comes from the lightness or fragility of a feather. Others think of the "pain" (from the Latin *poena*). Culturally, showing empathy is a social glue. Saying que pena is a standard, polite way to acknowledge someone's struggle without being overly dramatic.

You will often hear morrer de pena (to die of pity). This is just for extra emphasis. Another common one is ficar com pena (to become with pity). This describes the moment the feeling hits you. If someone is being a bit too dramatic, you might hear ai, que dó. Dó is a synonym for pena used mostly in Brazil. It sounds a bit more colloquial and sweet.