How to Become a K-pop Superstar — in 7 Minutes | Charlene Kaye | TED
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زیرنویسها (184 segments)
DownloadHello everyone,
my name is Charlene Kaye.
I actually started my career out as a pop musician,
and after 20 years of grinding in the industry,
the way I know that I've finally made it
is that I am now ...
a stand up comedian.
(Laughter)
And today, here at TED,
I'd like to talk about something that I have been obsessed with for years,
which is K-pop.
Do we have any K-pop fans in here?
(Cheers)
Oh, nice.
If not, don't worry,
there's nothing wrong with being a straight dude.
(Laughter)
And if you love K-pop and you're a straight dude,
are you sure about that?
(Laughter)
So you might think that it is extremely difficult to be a K-pop star.
You have to move to Korea,
you have to do this whole training program,
and I'm here to tell you today that that's not true.
It's actually really easy to be a K-pop star.
Anybody can do it.
And I'm going to show every single one of you how
in the next seven minutes.
Are we ready?
(Cheers)
Alright, great.
So in K-pop, you have the girl groups and the boy groups.
You want to be in a girl group?
So easy -- all you have to do is be super cute,
but not too young-looking.
Really sexy, but not too slutty.
Really badass, but not too masculine.
You know, all the things men have to think about.
(Laughter)
So when you start the song, you're not going to sing.
You're not going to sing.
You're gonna talk,
lots of vocal fry,
you're gonna talk.
[Something in Korean]
Then you walk, walk, walk, drive a car, shake your hips, fan yourself,
lick your lips, shoot a gun, blow a kiss.
Then the main rapper comes in
and she has something the first girl doesn't have,
which is --
Bangs.
(Laughter)
Now I'm gonna rap like a sexy baby.
I'm a savage, you all wanna hate me
now I'm gonna twerk like Cardi B
'cause the Bronx is a neighborhood in Korea.
(Laughter)
And then, you might know Korea is a very Christian nation,
so you can't really sing about sex.
So instead, you're going to sing about fruit.
Eat my strawberry moon.
Strawberry sundae.
You can eat my tangerine.
Cause it's my birthday.
Put your face in my peach.
My watermelon.
Cherries are red and berries are blue.
It's not about sex.
We just really like fruit.
And then after fruit, logically, you're going to sing about guns.
I'm serious.
But you have to stay cute.
Never mind the guns are illegal to civilians in South Korea.
You're really cute, but you're also in NWA.
[N.W.A. The World's Most Dangerous Group]
(Imitating gun noises)
(Laughter)
(Cheers and applause)
Alright, now let's talk about the boy groups.
First thing you're going to do
is join the other members of your group who are 23 ripped
twinks,
and you're going to rap some sexy nursery rhymes.
Now, how do you do that?
You just gotta whisper everything
like it is the filthiest thing you've ever said to anyone.
It's so easy, just like this.
Twinkle, twinkle little star.
Three little piggies go to market.
Old MacDonald had a farm.
Hey, girl, I'm a little teapot.
(Laughter)
Now it's time for the chorus.
There are too many of you for you each have your own line.
So what are we gonna yell about?
Guns!
Then all the dudes yell
at the same time.
Turn it up, turn it up! It's showtime!
A line about a gun.
We've never seen a gun.
Then we whisper a random food like,
pizza, pizza, pizza.
But it's like sexy.
Pizza, pizza, pizza.
Spending that cheese,
I'm hot like a fever.
And now it's a completely different genre.
'Cause there are still 20 dudes who haven't sung yet.
We're gonna sing more foods like,
ice cream, hot sauce, chicken noodle soup,
donut, cherry bomb, butter fondue.
It's not about sex, we just really like food.
(Laughter)
(Cheers and applause)
Let's talk about something that happens with both the girl and the boy groups.
And this is something that I call the OBR or the obligatory reggaeton section.
And in this section, it is mandatory that you talk
about how you're either really cold or really hot.
And there's no in between.
Here we go.
I'm either really cold or really, really hot.
Super, super cold, except when I'm hot.
I'm freezing like an igloo, I'm burning up a sweat
trying not to sing in a Jamaican accent.
"Cold Winter," "Winter Falls,"
“Goodbye Winter,” “Winter Again.”
"Hot," "So Hot," "Hot," "Hot enough."
These are all real songs, by the way.
"Winter Bear," "Winter," "Winter Flower"
“Very Hot,” “I’m so Hot,”
"Hot Sauce," "Snow Flower,"
"Winter Without You," "Hot Hand,"
“Hot Issue,” “Hot Summer.”
“Sweet Winter,” “The Winter’s Tale,” “It’s Cold.”
"Like it Hot," "Fire," "Playing with Fire."
All these cold songs and all these hot songs.
There's no such thing as warm in K-pop.
(Cheers and applause)
(Music)
We’ve reached the most critical moment of any K-pop song,
which is the dubstep dance break for no reason.
Now how do we do this?
You're going to do the following moves.
Number one, you're going to glitch
like you're connecting to dial-up internet in 1999.
Then, you're going to make pizza in the Matrix.
You heard me.
Then you're going to be a horny mime in a glass box.
And then finally, you're going to give the angriest massage
and end in a pose called The Passion of the Christ.
You guys got all that, right?
It's so easy, we're going to do it together,
here we go.
(Dubstep music)
(Cheers and applause)
We reached the finale of the song.
This part usually has really uplifting lyrics,
like "shining like a shooting star"
or "climbing to the top of a mountain."
And it goes just like this.
(Music)
I am gonna shine like a shooting star.
I am gonna climb to the mountain top
just to be with you.
Then every element of the song randomly comes back,
and the person with the highest voice in the group does way too much.
Then you end in a move called the Magic Mike,
Everyone turn their phone flashlights on.
I am gonna climb to the mountaintop.
I'm either really cold or I'm really hot.
Old McDonald had a farm.
Strawberry sundae.
(Gun sound effects)
You can eat my tangerine.
(Gun sound effects)
I'm a little, I'm a little teapot.
(Cheers)
(Applause)
(Cheers and applause)
Congratulations, you're now a K-pop superstar.
(Cheers)
Thank you so much.
(Cheers and applause)
Key Vocabulary (50)
toward
"Go to school."
belonging
"Cup of tea."
also
"You and me."
inside
"In the house."
specific
"That book."
A third-person singular pronoun used to refer to an object, animal, or situation that has already been mentioned or is clear from context. It is also frequently used as a dummy subject to talk about time, weather, or distance.
A function word used to express negation or denial. It is primarily used to make a sentence or phrase negative, often following an auxiliary verb or the verb 'to be'.
A preposition used to indicate that people or things are together, in the same place, or performing an action together. It can also describe the instrument used to perform an action or a characteristic that someone or something has.
Used to refer to the person or people that the speaker is addressing. It is the second-person pronoun used for both singular and plural subjects and objects.
Used to identify a specific person, thing, or idea that is physically close to the speaker or has just been mentioned. It can also refer to the present time or a situation that is currently happening.
A coordinating conjunction used to connect two statements that contrast with each other. It is used to introduce an added statement that is different from what has already been mentioned.
The word 'we' is a first-person plural pronoun used to refer to the speaker and one or more other people collectively. It is used as the subject of a sentence or clause.
A possessive determiner used to show that something belongs to or is associated with the person speaking. It is always placed immediately before a noun to indicate ownership, relationship, or authorship.
Used to refer to the whole quantity or amount of something, or to every member of a group. It indicates that nothing has been left out from the total being discussed.
Used to point to a specific position or location away from the speaker. It is often used to show where something is or to introduce a topic by stating its existence.
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Description
Want to become a K-pop superstar? Comedian and musician Charlene Kaye lays out the formula for breaking through in just a few easy steps, from rapping like a sexy baby to dancing like you’re...
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